Do you ever miss her? Your first love?
one thing that i’ll never forget you saying to me is that “shes my first love, i dont know if i’ll ever be over her” and that was when i knew. I knew that what we had would never be as special. And no matter how much I love you and everything i do for you will never mean as much as if it wouldve been your first love. Just knowing that i am deeply in love with you and to feel as though you are just tolerating me is like a knife in the middle of my soul. In my head i just think that the more i do to show you how much i care, maybe you’ll just forget about her and love me like you once loved her. I envy her because of that. I am completely jealous of her because i know that she has a piece of your heart that i will never get. In a way she owns you. I believe that people are destined to be together, and maybe thats what you two are. Its been over a year and all the pictures you guys took are still on facebook, and you and i, we have none. Its like no one is even aware we are together. In the back of my mine i think you dont want to broadcast it because she might see. I feel like when you look at me, you’re hoping that I was her.
But im not. I can only be me. I can only be the person that will jump through hoops just to get you to realize my feelings for you. I didnt think it was possible to want for someone else more than myself. When i refer to anything I use “us, or we” to start off my sentence. When i pray, i pray for you, i pray for us. It just hurts to get it through my head that you will never feel the same. Being someones second love, is like only getting a half of a slice of pizza. It just leaves you wanting more. I hate to know how any girl after me will feel when you wont even give her as much as youve given me.